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Eye Contact:  Is It Absolutely Important?

There are many ways of communicating, including through the eyes.   I have limitations with visual processing since having a Viral Neuronitis with Involvement of the Brainstem.  It has made eye contact difficult for me to make and maintain.  Some people hardly notice, some notice and adjust, and some people become uneasy and even agitated with me because of it. I have had otherwise intelligent people actually raise their voice to me as if I were an errant child and shout, “You are Not listening!”  I have even had Doctors who think that exhortism (pun intended) will cure me of it.

My position is that without eye contact, such as on the phone or in written communication, there can still be complex ideas, information, and feelings exchanged.  It is usually people who are more visually oriented who have more difficulty adjusting to me and who are less able to consider that I can hear without eye contact. Do sound waves travel only through the retina?  My position goes further than believing I have an alternate and legitimate adaptive form of communication.  My position is that with understanding on both sides we can appreciate all methods of verbal and non-verbal communication.

Although everyone does not have trouble switching to literal communication when they talk to me, when I am in situations with people who are less able to hear and to speak with words I am at a disadvantage:  I miss a lot of social cues and my verbal contributions do not seem to be accepted.  Besides those who are visually oriented some believe it is impolite to speak direct information, even if asked for.  I would be at an even greater disadvantage if I were a child with less verbal skills.

In the past I have personally seen teachers for the autistic become rather unladylike and grab the faces of little boys and command, “Look at me!”.  This week I spoke to three women to ask if this is still done.  The first two women I asked worked with adult men with disabilities.  One said that she has been told to not to do it any more and to be less confrontive.  The second lady denied that she had ever done it but said if that was the Doctor’s orders then it should be done.  The third lady works with children:  she said that she saw a teacher do a mild version of it that day and that she wanted to say something but didn’t.

The logistics of communication for me now is a matter-of-fact thing.  It becomes more of a problem by the lack of understanding about eye contact.  My solution will explore the assumptions about eye contact, will give a glimpse of the NeuroPhysiological complexities needed to maintain eye contact, will define some of the methods for compensation, and may open a dialog on the subject for those affected by this adventurous challenge.

A common belief is that eye contact is a genuine indicator of honesty, caring and interest.  “Words lie, facial expressions deceive, but the language of the eyes does not lend itself to falsehood. The eyes speak mutely, but they speak truly.”  This phrase was the last line in a website titled, “Eye Contact”.  Yet another pop site, “The Importance Of Eye Contact”, indicates that sincerity and interest can be faked by eye contact.               

They say the eyes are mirrors to the soul. And you can use the power of eye contact to seduce and attract single women with your eyes by simply following the simple guidelines listed below.
. . .  You could also gaze deeply into her eyes while talking to her to make your words seem that much more personal.
To show that you agree with her occasionally raise and lower your eyebrows. The beauty about using eye contact is that even though you are not paying attention, you will see [sic] like you are listening and hanging on to her every word.

A book by Suzette Haden Elgin titled, The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense for Business Success, has a chapter (pages 229-249) on sophisticated lying, including how to lie.  One of the chapter themes is that it is easier to use deception with specially trained eye contact and visual effects.  Ms. Elgins says that if someone is listening and not watching it is more difficult to deceive them.

The association of eye contact with sincerity, honesty and attentiveness becomes complex with what there is to know about facial expressions and rules on timing.  I happen to prefer less complex straight shooting conversations now and see lying as setting yourself up for superficial inefficient relationships.  I believe that part of my problem in communicating now is that once people discover that I am really listening they are terribly self conscious if they are not used to being listened to objectively and in depth.

Eye contact is also used in dominance and submission. Even turn taking in meetings has rules that depend on eye contact.  (Elgin, page 215) Added to that are gender and cultural differences in interpreting eye contact.  Dominance and submission arouse other’s emotional issues so when I flounder it is more difficult to get clear feedback about what the problem is.  One solution I find helpful for a meeting is to bring a concise written summary to give others and during the meeting to give good direct feedback to the specific issues being discussed.  In two ways I am even at an advantage:  I can remain more pragmatic and I have better recall of the words that were said.

Now I will give a glimpse into the marvelous visual functions in our brain and brainstem. In the opening lines of a website titled  “Vision, Navigation, Mobility and the Brain” it states that at least 50% of the brain is involved with vision.  The brainstem handles ongoing multi-tasking.  Among other life functions your brainstem is sorting and prioritizing and filtering all of the information coming in from all of the senses and at the same time coordinating postural apparatus and helping you process and plan for what comes next.  An ideally working brainstem helps filter background noises and also filters and selects specific visual areas of focus.

Gaze control is not a simple thing.  For $207 one can purchase a book titled Information Processing Underlying Gaze Control and begin at the 335 word Table of Contents.  To proceed to understand gaze control one would need to learn things like the “Physiology of Extraocular Motor Nuclei”,  the “Segregation of retinal and visual cortex projections to the pretectum”, and “First steps in an electrophysiological ‘input-output’ approach of the horizontal operational unit of the flocculus.”

To more fully understand what is needed to maintain eye contact with a live person then the movement component should be included.  A face doesn’t hold still like the pictures I put in my PC’s scanner:  a face tilts and turns while talking.  On a moving face lips are curving and going out and in, and eyes, eyelids and surrounding tissues are flowing in patterns to express emotions, and eyebrows are underlining certain words for emphasis.  So then one may turn to the $304 book, Visual Motion and Its Role in the Stabilization of Gaze (Reviews of Oculomotor Research, Vol. 5) to see by the Title of Contents that this subject involves things like “Decoding Optic Flow”, “Subcortical Analysis of Visual Motion”, and “Subcortical Optokinetic Mechanisms”.

An article titled “The Cerebellum” reports that

When the cerebellum is damaged (or its pathways [such as the brainstem] disrupted) then subconscious, automatic movements are reduced or lost. This means that children with reduced cerebellar function must will actions. They must use higher cognitive areas and voluntarily command their muscles to perform functions. This is obviously an inefficient and exhausting task. . . .

I noticed something else about the use of vision in physically impaired children. . .  The eyes of these kids seemed to drift all over the place. I had to repeatedly ask them to look at me or an object, which they seemed fleetingly able to do. I now realize that when asked to voluntarily direct their eyes they can do so.  It is hard and exhausting, but they can do it.

Of the books I studied with information on eye contact the one I recommend most is “Eye to Eye”.  It is a book about non-verbal messages and interpersonal relationships and it includes good graphic examples and easy to read information on eye contact.  To appreciate the gift eye to eye communication this book says, “How we look at people, meet their gaze and look away can make all the difference between an effective encounter and one that leads to embarrassment or even rejection.”

 
My position is that holding someone’s face while speaking a manta, such as “Look at me.” is not the solution to correcting a deficiency with eye contact.  Over the years I have slowly been able to regain some of my ability to initiate eye contact.  It is so pleasant and rewarding that I would do it more often if I could.  It has a reward within itself and needs no scolding to hasten my yearning for it.  Looking at an overwhelming collage of information is counter-productive until the underlying skills are acquired.

There are two specialties with the ability to document problems with vision other than the eyeball:  (1) Neuro-Ophthalmology and (2) Vision Therapy and Developmental Optometry, both of which I have seen.  My solution began even before the problem was documented.  There are several approaches to regaining sensory integration:  Feldenkrais is the name of the one that I have used the most.  I also used a background I had in technical computer graphics to re-establish foundations in my brain for visual information.  Although my sensory integration and bodywork cost me thousands I actually got paid for part of my therapy by doing a regular job in simple computer graphics (2D CAD) after I lost my ability to do more complex computer graphics (3D CAD/CAM).

Until I researched this paper I was using nodding to signal being in synch.  Now in my readings I am seeing that nodding has rules of its own and I may have been making some faux pas without realizing it.  I do not fake it when I am not following someone, in fact asking for clarification is another way to show that I really am interested in what another is saying.  I am not able to use my face muscles as much as I would like to to echo back the emotions that go with conversation.  For those who can learn forward -- I cannot do it well because I have a tendency towards a limp wristed neck and a rubber chicken body -- learning forward is another way to show interest.  Most people though, after they get to know me, are happy to have a good listener and all they need is a word of appreciation for what they have shared.

E-mail is another solution.  It is an excellent medium for folks like me.  I can enjoy hearing my cyberfriends tell me how well I really see them.

Works Cited

“Eye Contact”, no author named.  March 24, 2000  http://www.base.com/shy/hmw/HMW4C.HTM

“The Importance Of Eye Contact”, no author named, under a group of web pages called the “Dating Guide” by Adolescent Adulthood Consultations Inc.  March 24, 2000   http://www.adolescentadulthood.com/dating-guide/dating-eyecontact.shtml

Elgin, Suzette Haden, The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense for Business Success.  Paramus, New Jersey:   Prentice Hall, 1989.

“Vision, Navigation, Mobility and the Brain”, no author named.  March 24, 2000 http://isd.saginaw.k12.mi.us/~mobility/visbrain.htm

J.M. Delgado-Garcia, E. Godaux, P.P. Vidal (Editor), Information Processing Underlying Gaze Control.  Pergamon Press.  1994.

F.A. Miles, J. Wallman (Editor),  Visual Motion and Its Role in the Stabilization of Gaze (Reviews of Oculomotor Research, Vol. 5).  Elsevier Science Ltd.  1992.

“The Cerebellum”, no author named.  March 24, 2000  http://isd.saginaw.k12.mi.us/~mobility/visbrain.htm

Marsh, Peter, Eye to Eye, How People Interact.  Topsfield, Massachusetts:  Salem House Publishers, 1988.

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